Here’s a true story, dear readers, one that will give you chills and – quite possibly – give you nightmares when you go to bed tonight. I myself still require a nightly dousing of fine spirits … particularly the one made by my amigo, Jose Cuervo. So you can see how this story still haunts me even today because this story took place when I was but 12.

Back then, there was a new gaming system known as the Playstation that already had quite an impressive lineup of titles that included a newly remastered version of Resident Evil. In fact, that’s what I wanted for my 12th birthday and nothing else. I had seen the game in action before in my friend’s house when his brother was playing it and I wanted it so badly that I could taste it.

So, Grandpa Del Toro was sent on a mission to obtain said game to give to his granddaughter on her birthday. Of course, Grandpa Del Toro knew nothing of games or that darn techno gizmo that spun said game inside it so he got advice from a circle of his “younger” friends … all of which played games too of the chess and checker variety. Oh yeah, his “younger” friends still had some of their original teeth but did they really know anything about gaming?

Well, imagine my surprise that fine day when I unwrap my present and find myself staring at a Playstation game. Way to go, Grandpa, you actually did it! Now, imagine my surprise when I discover that the game is called “Barbie and Friends Adventure!” Oh wow, Grandpa even opened the game for me and tossed out the receipt so returning it would be impossible.

Ok, I don’t blame my grandfather for his blunder nor is that the nightmare I mentioned. The real nightmare came from playing the game because – get this – the damned thing had no save point. So how is a little girl suppose to “beat” this game with no save point? On top of that, why does the super dream date with Ken have that creepy stalker vibe to it? Plus, why do Barbie’s friends have to tag along on the date? You don’t see me getting in the way of a friend’s intimate date waving hello like an idiot much like Barbie’s friends do in the game.

Anyway, this kind of thing kept happening every birthday even when other members of my family decided to give me games for birthdays or Christmas. It got so bad that I told them I would much rather have a sweater or socks instead.. When it did lead to, my friends, is nightmares and this gig that I am proud to have on this site.

So, lets get back to the nightmares, shall we?

DUKE NUKEM FOREVER (XBOX 360, PS3)

Like most of you, I too have been waiting a long time to get my hands on a game that seems to have been in development for centuries. So, after so many years of working on the game, you would expect it to be a masterpiece in first-person shooter gaming but instead we get a game whose biggest highlight is having the steroid-using hero pick up a turd right out of a toilet bowl. Even a trip to a strip club seems lame … a strip club!

Why couldn’t we have paid for this game with fake money??

Male pig hero aside, the level design is so by-the-numbers that it loses its charm so quickly that you forget you’re fighting pig police officers and other demonic aliens. Even the vehicle parts seem so dull that I once fell asleep while playing the game. Well, that could be Jose Cuervo’s fault but Duke Nukem Forever will forever be considered one of the biggest letdowns that I am not surprised when I went into a GameStop to find it already collecting dust in the bargain bin.

LEISURE SUIT LARRY: BOX OFFICE BUST (XBOX 360, PS3)

Considered one of the worst games of 2009, you can definitely see why just 2 minutes into the game and – if you hate yourself that much – an hour with it will just seem like torture. You see, we love funny and we love to laugh but this game is funny for all the wrong reasons. It’s too bad, really, since I recently got to play the old PC games of the original Leisure Suit Larry titles that are still a laugh riot even today.

"Hey baby, you wanna climb my Wishing Tree?"

First of all, this game has one or two good laughs while the rest is made up of a series of pointless, repetitive and nauseating mini-games as you assume control of Larry Loveage working in a movie studio. If you came to the game looking for the classic nudity and sex you will not find it here. If you came looking for fun you will find it … making tiny paper hats out of the instruction manual or using the shiny side of the disc to blind friends and foes. Other than that, the rumors are true … this game will suck the life out of you.

BIG RIGS: OVER THE ROAD RACING (PC)

Normally, I don’t get any PC games since this site covers console gaming because that will just open a new can of worms for me. Still, this game is so bad that it had to be played and having sat down for a few hours to play it I found out one thing: this is the funniest game I have ever played! No other game has made me laugh harder or longer and it’s totally not on purpose.

Hey truckers, if you can do this with your rig you win a date with me.

Imagine racing a big rig across the open highway when – suddenly – said highway just disappears and it looks as though your big rig were flying. The box itself says you’ll be running from the law but after speeding and breaking a number of highway laws, no police siren could be heard. Whoo-wee, Cletus, I done found me a patch of Heaven!

Unfortunately, the game crashes often and there are glitches that have the game believing you won the race mid-way. Dang, if that ain’t the end of it, Hoss! You won’t even find the final race unless you git on your Internet and you go and download that there last race. Boy howdy, this game is might fun and for all the dang wrong reasons too.

Let’s just say that it features one of our favorite fighters in the series, Ivy, or should I say a BIG part of Ivy. Wow, if this doesn’t get 15-year old boys to pre-order I don’t know what will. Just take a good look at this Japanese ad. It’s Ok to stare, boy, really.

It seemed like a number of things conspired against us, including a brief scuffle with our old partners and a media firm that thought we were a bit too condescending when it came to making fun of bad games. After all, these companies still put out games but – come on, suits – every big name company, movie studio or publisher produces a bright and shiny turd every now and then so why can’t we point it out and laugh at it.

Here’s another thing the suits didn’t like. We are a bunch of comedians who also happen to be hardcore gamers so the only thing we do take seriously are our game reviews and that is for an obvious reason … games cost money and reviews should be help our readers decide whether they should buy, rent or pass on a game. We feel the same about previews, which we also take seriously because we are just as excited as you – our dear readers – to learn more about upcoming games.

Other than that, we make with the funny when it comes to special features such as Valentina’s Adventures in Bad Gaming or when we do our own version of “Punch Buggy” only when we see crates in a game. Oh yeah, so you can imagine how many sore arms there are after playing a game like Skyrim.

Oh, and I would like to thank all our readers for all their wonderful words of encouragement and the other emails requesting we come back. To tell you the truth, Game Revolver would have dissolved completely without all of your support. I’m not kidding, three of our reviewers were seriously going to start their own gaming website in protest so I’m glad they’re still with us.

Well, we’ll get back to doing what we do as we bring you gaming news, reviews and everything else in-between.

Happy Gaming,
Eduardo Zacarias
Editor-in-Chief

We at Game Revolver love to roll out new features when we can and we thought Friday is a great day to look at this week’s best downloadable content for all platforms whether it be new add-ons or even demos.

This Friday we would like to shine the spotlight on a demo worth downloading for anyone interesting in a different kind of game. Plus, there’s an add-on for all you gumshoes out there. So, let’s check out this Friday’s downloadable goodies.

Catherine (Demo) – Download available for PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 – This very interesting and quirky game has a dark edge that takes a poor soul and tosses him into a relationship hell. Plus, there are platform-puzzle goodness with a twisted feel that speaks volumes of what men feel when they’re pushed into a commitment.
Price: Free
Verdict: Already looking interesting plus, if you like mature anime, this is looking like a real Must Have.

L.A. Noire: Reefer Madness (Add-on) – Download available for PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 – Phelps and Earle tackle a Vice Narcotics case after they receive a tip from a junkie snitch. It’s time for a city-wide search to put an end to a distribution ring that is the biggest LA has seen in that era.
Price: PlayStation 3 = $3.99, Xbox 360 = 320 Microsoft Points
Verdict: Another excuse to keep working the late shift in seedy Los Angeles is Ok with us and this case is appropriately lengthy enough to make for a great reason to keep playing this game.

So there you have it, two download-worthy items this Friday. Check with us next week for other downloadable gaming goodness.

Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment
Developer: Sucker Punch
Platform: PlayStation 3
Genre: Action
MSRP: $59.99
ESRB: T (Teen)
Release Date: June 7, 2011

Review By: Clarke L. Kent

Sucker Punch certainly gave us a wild ride with the super-powered Cole McGrath in the first Infamous game that made PlayStation 3 owners freely roaming a city that has just gone through a catastrophic even. It was such a success that nobody was really surprised when a sequel was announced and now the team gives us a new setting as McGarth’s story continues with Infamous 2 … a game that plays much like the first but trust me when I say that you won’t be complaining.

The original game’s story finds Cole facing off against the Beast that we learned about in the first game’s ending and the opening comic book-styled introduction that has our powered hero taking on said Beast only to lose and be forced to pull out of Empire City to the New Orleans-like New Marais to prepare himself once again. Along for the ride is her buddy Zeke and a new set of allies, two of which are connected to the morality choices that are back again and – unfortunately – handled nearly the same way as the first game. Notice I said “nearly” because there are just a few changes I will get to in a moment but don’t expect any epic changes to the story or character.

New Marais is a very visually stylish city compared to Empire City and parts of it will drive home the images we’ve seen of New Orleans during Katrina. We’re talking flooded areas that display the same devastation and desperation that came with the flooding. It also makes navigating through New Marais an interesting experience despite the fact that the map is about the same size as Empire City. You’ll still be able to follow the story missions anytime you like as well as well as take on Karma/Pedestrian missions and Dead Drops.

Thankfully, Cole begins the game with some powers and, even better, all your powers and power upgrades from the first game so you start off with enough abilities to get you through. Of course, there are new powers you’ll obtain in Infamous 2 that add to Cole’s already diverse list of powers. As I mentioned earlier, you also get morality choices that affect your Karma and that opens up different powers. Karma is linked to two new characters named Nix and Kuo … both ladies represent good and evil choices. Follow the path of evil and you’ll also get an extra set of missions. Unfortunately, the good/bad choices are still kind of lame although now – aside from the old Bio-Leech, Restrain or Heal option – there are other ways to obtain good-bad Karma such as the choice you can make with street performers you’ll find scattered throughout the city.

Cole also has a new weapon that comes in the form of a two-pronged baton that gives him a better edge in the melee combat department. The best part is that there are devastating combos you can pull off with the right tap of the button when the attack meter is full. You’ll need it too since New Marais is filled with an assortment of new enemies … human or monster. There are monsters this time around that will have Cole really stepping up the combat during the frequent skirmishes he’ll get into on missions or just roaming the streets.

In fact, this is one of the game’s continued weaknesses … the irregular number of battles the break out in-between missions. It’s still frustrating to have your exploration of the city interrupted by the enemy attacking you and even more annoying when you’re just about to grab that hard to reach Blast Shard when suddenly some monster attacks or a gunshot from your enemy has tumbling back down to the pavement. Oh yeah and don’t get me started on the camera that is still not your friend.

Still, despite these annoyances, the story-based missions are still a blast to play as are the side missions from the different sources around New Marais. Add Zeke and Bertrand to your allies you’ll find yourself once again taking care of business as well as reactivating generators to unlock various areas of the city. Best yet is the UGC (User Generated Content) creator tool that allows players to come up with their own missions whether it’s a simple fetch quests to a more intricate mission filled with an assortment of enemies and goals. You can even share your missions online much like the user-created levels in Little Big Planet.

The graphics still look excellent, although there are still a few graphical glitches here and there that – thankfully – won’t distract you from enjoying the great visual effects. New Marais is a visual treat and more so for anyone who has been to New Orleans. It’s a colorful and lively place that makes Empire City seem bland in comparison. I still love the comic book-styled cut scenes as well.

Then there’s the sound, that suffers a bit only because another voice actor is handling Cole. Other than that, the soundtrack and the great background noises bring the atmosphere and your surroundings to life and even more so if you’re playing the game with a great sound system.

Infamous 2 is an excellent sequel and, despite the fact that some things haven’t really changed from the first game, you will find yourself happy to be assuming the role of Cole once again. Add new powers, an interesting new setting and the UGC options and you have a game you really should not miss, PS3 owners. There’s definitely more than enough here to warrant a purchase right away.

GAME FRONTLINE RATING

Gameplay: 9.0
Graphics: 8.5
Sound: 8.5
Appeal: 9.0
Overall: 9.0

E3 2011 was certainly a big show this year with many titles and surprising hardware on display. It was just a blast being able to see the Nintendo Wii U up close as well as getting to see the Sony PSP Vita. On top of that, we got a chance to see some amazing tiles such as the multiplayer portions of games like Ghost Recon: Future Soldier (with Kinect support), Gears of War 3 and Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception (Naughty Dog has stepped up multiplayer big time).

It’s difficult for us to pick an overall favorite seeing as there was more than enough big titles that have at least five things that make them amazing games. Whether it’s getting your hands really dirty as Lara Croft in Square Enix’ Tomb Raider game, slapping somebody around in THQ’s Saints Row: The Third or hailing the king in 2K Games’ Duke Nukem Forever. Then there’s Activision’s Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 that will not fail to drop some jaws and Bethesda Softworks’ The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim that already looks like it will set our consoles on fire thanks to its ambitious gameplay and open world.

Gearbox Software also invited us to see Brothers in Arms: Furious Four, which is not a direct sequel to the Matt Baker story but one that has four very unique soldiers pulling off a mission of outrageous feats to beat out the Nazis in a way that would make the Inglorious Basterds proud. There was also delicious German beer in this meeting room so I should say that by the end of the little demonstration our own Nick Valentino walked out of there a bit funny. I’m glad he wasn’t our ride home.

It was also good to see some other returning favorites in the lineup and that includes Hitman: Absolution, Assassin’s Creed: Revelations and Mass Effect 3 (Sheppard is back and with Kinect voice support). Then there’s Batman: Arkham City that will also allow you to play as Catwoman (and no she won’t suck like EA’s awful Catwoman game). Finally, there’s Halo 4 with the return of Master Chief and damn is it good to see him back.

Capcom’s booth also had a number of surprises including two Resident Evil games (Resident Evil: Revelations and Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City) and then Dead Rising 2: Off The Record with Frank West making his return. Then there’s Konami’s Metal Gear Solid 3D: Snake Eater.

E3 2011 was a monumental success and unforgettable on all fronts thanks to all the titles and hardware coming our way this year and in 2012. There is certainly a lot to look forward to and we at Game Revolver will bring you all the news and reviews.

I mean, after we get over this massive hangover. Who would have thought that game developers party like crazy?

E3 2011 Report Extra: Game Journalist Getting Hit On

Natalie Romano was actually quite popular on the showroom floor to the point that she was hit on by a fellow gaming journalist from Italy no less! I was actually there when it happened, which gave me a Seinfeld-like flashback of that episode where some guy hit on Elaine right in front of Jerry. What if I had been her boyfriend? How rude!

Anyway, I took a picture of the very moment because her reaction to his really cheesy pick-up line classic. I never seen a girl want to end a conversation that quickly before. She tried her best to keep smiling.

His pick up line? “You fell from Heaven or something? You an angel with body of love.”

Our Natalie Romano - I know she's Italian but she hates cheese.

By the way, Natalie didn’t want me to post a picture of her so I thought I might blur it a little. Still, it was a funny moment.

FIRST LOOK

Moscow is in ruins.

What was once an impressive city with recognizable landmarks is now an empty and shattered shell of its former self as the almost skeletal remains of vehicles are left in the middle of a street as if stuck in eternal traffic and buildings look like they’re about to crumble with the slightest touch. Some things have changed in the Soviet Union since the events seen in the brilliant first game, Metro 2033 but that doesn’t mean that things are better in Metro: Last Light.

As we saw from THQ’s demonstration of Last Light’s in-game action, we are back in the shoes of the first game’s hero, Artyom, and while things on the surface have improved (there are now some blue patches in the sky and much of the ice has finally melted) but the post-apocalyptic Russia has a new set of problems that come in the form of a civil war that involves a dangerous faction with very familiar values. It’s clear that Artyom has his work cut out for him as the savior of his people.

The game has certainly been rebuilt from the ground up and that just doesn’t include the visuals (that are actually quite impressive, by the way) but the gameplay mechanics as well. What we got to see was Artyom entering the sewers to infiltrate the enemy’s underground stronghold that is – naturally – dank, grimy and filled with cobwebs. Artyom even uses his lighter to burn away said cobwebs to scare off the spiders dangling from them.

Stealth is once again an option if you don’t want to alert every enemy in the area to come running and gunning for you and Artyom can quietly dispose of anyone in his way by quickly slitting their throat. Using your silenced pistol, you can take out a pesky light source or, say, shoot a kettle to call the attention of a nearby guard just so you can sneak up behind him and dispose of him.

Of course, you can just go in with guns blazing and the firefight that erupts is exhilarating as enemies go for cover and try to outflank you. The game makes it clear that everything that can be destroyed does as the bullets fly and tear away at cover, various objects in the nearby vicinity. When Artyom picked up a chain gun, the heat from it barrels caused some nearby cardboard boxes to light up on fire.

The demo shifted to a key moment when Artyom and a comrade attempt to assassinate the enemy leader in a room filled with enemies listening to a speech. Moving their way towards the speaker, the brilliant plan goes to hell when those on the platform point them out. Suddenly, an assassination mission turns into a mad dash for survival and Artyom and his companion fight their way to a subway cart with our hero taking gunning duties against pursuing enemy soldiers on the opposite tracks.

Finally, we are revealed a new kind of Dark One that is massive and fast that will surely be a challenge to bring down. From what we seen so far, Metro: Last Light is already looking to be a first-person shooter you do not want to miss.

Metro: Last Light has a release date of 2012 and will be available for the PlayStation 3, Xbox 360 and the Nintendo Wii U.

FIRST LOOK

It’s been a little over four years since 2K Games released The Darkness, a game based on the hit Top Cow Productions comic book series about a mafia hitman named Jackie Estacado who finds out, during his twenty-first birthday, that he has within him a powerful demon that is now awake. Needless to say, it is this demon that made the first-person shooter a most interesting action game so it’s definitely good news that 2K Games reveals what we can come to expect from The Darkness II.

The demo that was shown to us picks up two years after the events of the first game so now Jackie is now Don of the Estacado crime family after having eliminated his Uncle who took from him something far more precious than just Jackie’s life. Being the new head of la familia isn’t without its problems but what is weighing heavily on Jackie’s mind is a new kind of enemy calling itself the Brotherhood – an organization that was started a long time ago by a saint.

The Brotherhood’s leader, a man who will be familiar to those who follow the comic book, wants the power of The Darkness for himself in order to save humanity. Of course, to take the demon’s powers he would have to kill Jackie Estacado and this is where the demo takes us to an assault on Jackie in an abandoned amusement park. You see, the Brotherhood has armed thugs who attack knowing full well what to expect from Jackie’s Darkness abilities.

As we can see, the enemy AI not only has your foes ducking for cover but also trying to use the light as a weapon seeing as the Darkness is only useful in the cover of darkness. That means the enemy will throw flash bang grenades, flares and even weapons capable of blinding Jackie with light. The Brotherhood soldiers even sport armor and a few of the tougher ones uses an electrical whip to snatch your weapons away from you.

Thankfully, Jackie has new tricks up his sleeves because now Jackie can dual-wield weapons as well as the snake-like tendrils that can both be used as well. One tendril can wrap itself around an enemy while the other can tear the bad guy’s heart right out of his chest. You’ll gain points for collecting hearts like in the first game but also by skillful kills as well. These points are good for upgrading Jackie’s firepower as well as Darkness powers in any Talent Shrines you might find.

This brings us to the new Darkness powers such as Gun Channeling that can be used to give your firepower more of a kick and ammo relief. You can keep upgrading your powers to give you an even better edge in battle such as the ability to see your enemy through objects. This is but one of the many Darkness powers we can expect in the game.

Visually, the game takes on a different look than the first game to fit the comic book’s artwork, although I’m happy to report that it’s really not a bad look for the game and not a very drastic step away from the graphics of the original either. The Darklings still look downright creepy and comical.

We can come to expect the game sometime in 2011 for the Xbox 360 and the PlayStation 3 so we will keep you posted with more news about this fantastic-looking sequel.

FIRST LOOK

To us, the Saints Row games have always been considered Grand Theft Auto’s crazy younger brother. It’s Charlie Sheen to Rockstar’s Emilio Estevez. It’s the straight-up out-of-control guilty pleasure of free-roaming games that let’s you be as crazy and destructive as you want to be and it has a great sense of humor to boot.

So you can bet we are certainly excited about Saints Row: The Third, which takes all the things we love about first and superior sequel and pushes the envelope in new ways that go well beyond newly updated graphics that make everything look detailed and just plain awesome. We got to see the preview for the Xbox 360 and I have to say that it already looks amazing and outrageously insane.

The Saints Row gang is back and this time even more powerful and even popular as the Row finds themselves taking over the city of Steel Port. Of course, that won’t be easy with rival gangs in the area such as the Luchadores, a gang obviously influenced by Mexican pro wrestlers. Still, with the city wide open for the taking, you find yourself in the prime position to do a little street cleaning Saints Row-style. With various weapons at your disposal, as well as the ability to call in an air strike, causing mayhem in the streets is still a blast.

From what we seen from the in-game demonstration, The Third still relies heavily on its brilliant and twisted sense of humor. The character (the game allows you to create your character anyway you see fit) runs amok in Steel Port and from what we saw you can practically unleash a number of moves on pedestrians such as head slams, kicks to the groin and you can even slap people around with a big purple dildo! Oh yeah, we did say that the game’s sense of humor is brilliant and twisted.

We are told you can design your character to suit your tastes so whether you like to play as a hulking fat man or a sexy femme fatale. You can also dress your character up by entering a shop or you can even run in the buff (a slider will allow how much nudity you’ll get to see).

The character also has a most unusual way of stealing cars and that’s by jumping into it Dukes of Hazzard-style as you peel out and take the insanity to the streets on a completely new level. Since the Saints are popular, people will even cheer you on as you perform tricks such as doing a donut or just peeling out. There are a number of vehicles, one of which is a van that sports the face of a familiar Saints Row lieutenant from past Saints Row games. Then there’s a harrier jet complete with hover mode and heat-seeking missiles.

In fact, you’ll find many returning characters from Saints Row 2 including Shandi and Johnny as we witness in the demonstration of a mission from the game. The mission has these two characters, along with your character and a new member as the Saints rob a bank owned by a rival gang since all the bank tellers seem to be strapping heat … including the old lady behind the counter. Suddenly, the bank turns into a bloodbath as the Saints try to make off with the bank vault itself.

This is just a small taste of what we can expect from The Third and, from the looks of it already, this is looking to be one of THQ’s biggest and best Saints Row game yet.

We can expect the game to be release on November 15, 2011.

The Nintendo Wii U was finally shown to the crowds and we actually got to touch it. Well, our own Clarke Kent did as you can see from this picture and we ask Nintendo for forgiveness since I was witness to Clarke drooling on it! This really is a drool-worthy new platform.

What we saw was the pad itself with its controllers and screen as well as the console in action as it displayed graphics that are right up there with the Xbox 360. One game we saw on display was Aliens: Colonial Marines and it looked really good.

Check out the Nintendo Wii Remote next to it.

We’ll bring you more on this new console sans the drool this time.