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Valentina’s Adventures in Bad Gaming – September 2010

September 16, 2010 Leave a comment

Celebrating Mexico’s bicentennial and the opening of the Game Revolver offices, I joined the crew of this site at a Mexican restaurant I had always wanted to try out. The meal was tasty and the cerveza flowed like water. Sadly, the food held its own Mexican revolution in my stomach and it didn’t take me too long before I found myself chugging Pepto Bismol bottles like Dos X beer and cursing the word “chipotle.”

I had a similar kind of stomach problem before not too long ago when the first box of chipotle-flavored gaming badness landed on my doorstep just like in the old days when we first started our original site. The games inside left a bad aftertaste – just like the food at that restaurant – and resulted in many a visit to the restroom – just like in that restaurant.

We’re back, alright. I just hope my stomach can survive this gig.

The Dukes of Hazzard: Return of the General Lee (PS2, Xbox)

While I was far too young to really remember the television series this game is based on or why it inspired a theatrical version with Jessica Simpson, our kindly Editor-in-Chief included a DVD with the first six episodes of the series. Let’s just say I had more fun with the DVD menu screen than the game, Return of the General Lee.

"If I had a baby with cousin Daisy, would it be considered my son or my nephew?"

The game has you driving a boat on wheels called the General Lee that is driven by two lawbreaking, cousin-loving rebels who live for pissing off a midget named Boss Hog and the corrupt lawmen of the county. Driving the General Lee is just too frustrating and even more so when you make a jump. The game objectives are boring and repetitive and the computer-controlled opponents are just as in-bred as the characters seem.

Speaking of in-bred folks, whose idea was it to put Daisy Duke behind the wheel of her own lame car? The game sucks enough already.

Constantine (PS2, Xbox)

If your dream was to control Keanu Reeves in a video game, you are in luck. If you dream was to control Keanu Reeves in an exciting game based on an awesome comic book and an awful movie then you will not only be disappointed but you will be out a couple of bucks and precious minutes of your life. Constantine is like a social experiment to see how fast you’ll be reaching for the Disc Eject button. Just about the only thing they got right in this game is the fact that Keanu Reeves really is that stiff.

"Whoa! Even when I hold two guns I'm still this bland."

In the game you will be fighting supernatural evil with a Holy Shotgun and vials of holy water that acts as grenades. It’s just too bad that combat is a joke and the mini-games throughout the game prove that Satan does love to mess with your head.

Backyard Wrestling 2: There Goes the Neighborhood (PS2, Xbox)

Speaking of in-bred folks, backyard wrestling has long since been the sport of hillbilly small town folk and judging from all the YouTube videos I seen I could tell that mostly everyone that “wrassles” in their own backyard has finally gotten tired of the old past-time of yesteryear, which was watching paint dry. The game isn’t any different, although this second game in the series features two porn stars who (if you watch the video that comes with the game) look disgusted for participating in an actual backyard wrestling match. They’re porn stars and THEY’RE disgusted!

This is how most of my dates usually end.

The game also features the Insane Clown Posse and if you don’t remember them then count yourself as one of the lucky ones. Were they actually considered serious musicians? Just about my only favorite thing about the game is getting to bash these two clowns over the head with a garbage bin … over and over again without a time limit.

Welcome to Game Revolver

September 10, 2010 Leave a comment

It has been a long and exhausting road to get to this moment but, at last, the site we had always wanted to make has finally become a reality. I won’t bore you all with a lot of boring details but since we become part of a much bigger family that includes Animanga Nation and Comic Revolution, we have a site that is not limited or held back by a publishing company that held all three of us hostage.

Now that we are free to do what we love – which is bring you reviews and gaming articles – we are reborn as Game Revolver. So joining our Animanga Nation and Comic Revolution, we have a nice building where we will dedicate ourselves to bring you console and handheld gaming news, reviews and original content. We are a group of hardcore gamers who eat, sleep and dream games and we would like to share that hardcore love with you.

We hope to bring you some familiar content (such as the always popular Valentina’s Adventures in Bad Gaming) but also plenty of new features. I don’t want to reveal too much but we have a number of plans that also include video … but it’s too early to talk about that yet.

When we were Game Frontline, we did get to go to E3 this year and we apologize for not bringing news to you from the showroom floor. There have been a number of games we got to see with Faith McAdams that includes our favorites like Fallout: New Vegas, Dragon Age 2, Call of Duty: Black Ops, Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood and Homefront.

This month alone is looking like a great month for gaming with the release of Halo: Reach and the prequel chapter for Dead Rising 2 called Case Zero is quickly becoming Xbox Live’s most downloaded game. I mean, at $5, it’s a bargain. Just download the demo via the Marketplace and see for yourself.

So thank you for all the support  you have all given us as Game Frontline and we hope to keep our readers happy.

Happy Gaming,
Eduardo Zacarias
Editor-in-Chief

Categories: Monthly Editorial